Romans 5:3-5
The last four weeks of my life will go down as one of the toughest. I know my wife (Sarah) would say something similar. There has been uncertainty, the witness of physical suffering in the people closest to us, emotional suffering, and to add to it all, spiritual warfare. I have had times like this before (albeit not quite this intense), and I know it will do nothing but build our faith and character. However, that knowledge doesn’t always make it easier to "grit and bear it" during the mess. I know God is working in all of it, but I have found that my sin nature at times rears its ugly head, and I have caught myself wondering, “Where is God in all of this?”
Which is silly, as I know the truth: that God is in everything about all of this, using this as a refining tool for us, our marriage, how we parent, and ultimately our closeness to our perfect Heavenly Father (Hebrews 13:5 and 1 Peter 1:6-7). What I am about to share is less of a physical update and more of my exploration during this time into what it means to “consider it all joy” in the midst of trouble (James 1:2-4).
The purpose of me writing this is, first and foremost, to bring glory to God—to show you all how He has worked through our current trial. As I am still in the thick of it, I am sharing what He is doing, but I also know the promise that He will work through all of this for good, as my family and I deeply love Him (Romans 8:28). Secondly, I hope to provide encouragement to anyone who may also be going through their own trial, however extreme it may seem. My other ulterior motive here is to help me process my own thoughts; a wise man told me I need to be journaling during this time, and here is my attempt to do so.
Instead of directly getting to the passage I quoted earlier in James about counting it all joy, I want to go over a passage about how God uses trials: Romans 5:3-5.
“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
Let me tackle these sobering passages by first giving some background into what the apostle Paul is writing about. The first four chapters of Romans tell us that we are not at all saved by our works, but only by the grace and sacrifice of Jesus Christ. None of us are “good enough” to deserve His grace, and the only reason we have anything (especially our salvation) is because of His grace (Romans 3:10-12). If we are being honest with ourselves, this can be a hard one to make "heart knowledge," but it is vital to the rest of my writing. If we believe that we deserve His grace and our salvation because of our works, we can fall into any number of snares when trials come our way due to pride and self-reliance (Ephesians 2:8-9, Proverbs 16:18, 1 Corinthians 10:12).
In chapter 5, Paul shifts to talk about the benefits of justification: the peace we have with God, the access we have to His grace, and the hope we have to share in His glory (Romans 5:1-2). During this shift, it seems unusual for him to include trials and suffering. It feels like an abrupt transition. I think including it here is God’s way of telling us that our suffering and our trials are not in vain. The outcomes of trials (endurance, character, and hope) are also benefits of justification. That is what the passage says. It’s saying we should rejoice in our sufferings because it is those sufferings that produce endurance, character, and hope—hope that does not put us to shame.
We all want these things. I mean, who wouldn’t ask for more endurance, for higher character, or for more hope in this very broken world? God desires those things for us too, and He knows the best way for us to achieve them is through the trials and tribulations of this world.
I think it helps here to pause and relate to the parents reading this—at least, that has always helped me. Scripture consistently talks about God being our good and perfect Father. There are obviously numerous verses here, but my favorite is Romans 8:15 because “Abba, Father” is almost the equivalent of “Daddy.” It wasn’t until I became a father that this actually clicked for me. If we see Him as He actually is—our perfect Heavenly Father—and think about how we love our kids, it helps us to understand His love, His desires, and His plans for us.
Take, for instance, having sick kids (something a little too fresh on my mind right now). I hate my kids being sick. I hate watching them go through it; I hate the suffering. But I also know that is how they build their immune systems, and in the long run, it is better for them to have some of these illnesses while they are young to set them up for when they are older. I can’t help but feel that’s the same way Father God looks at trials for us. He knows what’s best for us and He knows how to get us there, but like a parent watching a kid get sick, He doesn’t take pleasure in the pain of it. That was probably a bit of a side tangent, but I never want to pass up an opportunity to show the comparison of God as a Father the way His Word continuously does.
Then, I love the way he ends this verse:
“...because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
What makes it possible to do all of this? What makes it possible to rejoice in the sufferings and to see the fruit they produce? It’s the love of God that He has poured into our hearts. That is only experienced through the Holy Spirit, which is given to all of us who turn and trust in Him. It’s God’s grace that we get the Spirit, and it’s God’s grace that we can have the love of God poured into our hearts. It’s the grace of God that allows us to get through trials, tribulations, and sufferings by seeing the endurance, character, and hope they produce. All we need to do is lean into Him—and I could make the case that we couldn’t even do that without His grace (John 15:5). Sarah and I have seen this firsthand through this trial, and although we are still in the midst of it, we have hope that God will finish the good work that He has started (Philippians 1:6).
Sarah and I have been talking a lot about how everyone seems to look at trials and tribulations and hone in on the negative. This is natural, as it’s not fun. Don’t hear me say that any of this is “fun.” I have spent a good portion of my time here wanting to cry and then pretending it is masculine not to do so, but that’s not how Scripture tells us to handle it. As we just went over, Scripture tells us to rejoice and count it all joy. So, we have been trying instead to focus on the positives. I am not talking about "toxic positivity"; I am talking about seeing the good God is doing in this situation and focusing on that (Philippians 4:8), because God is always working (Psalm 138:8). When we made the choice to start doing that, we were blown away by how God was working through it all, and I wanted to share that with you, for His and only His glory.
So here we go (if you have stuck it out this long, thank you for reading):
Endurance
Who needs sleep?: (Joking aside, a pastor recently told me about the Biblical backing for getting adequate rest and recovery in normal situations; see 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 and Ephesians 5:28-29). The beginning of all of this started with Sarah and me essentially not sleeping for roughly 48 hours as we kept an eye on our son before we had to go to the hospital. I don’t do well without sleep. I have never done well without sleep. Due to being forced into the trial, it was a situation where I didn’t have a choice. It was simple: stay up and watch our son or (at the risk of being dark) have him potentially stop breathing on my watch. The decision was made easy for us. So, we stayed up and watched him.
This was then followed by a very intense day of doctors, hospitals, ambulances, and ICUs—all of which God carried us through. God used this time to teach us that we can have endurance, and He brought us through it to show us that ultimately He’s got us and will carry us no matter what we are going through (Joshua 1:9). We are still experiencing the necessity of endurance, but we have a peace going into what's next because He has already brought us through so much.
Character
Our marriage: As many of you know, it can be tough on a marriage to bring in another kiddo; there are emotional, physical, and even time constraints. None of this takes away from the absolute blessing it is to have a child. I love my kids and would go through anything for them. I recently asked a good friend of mine, who is looking to get married, to lead our next Bible study out of Ephesians 5:25 through the end of the chapter. Here, Paul talks about how we as husbands should love our wives as Christ loves the church.
During this time, I haven’t had the "luxury" of being somewhere in between loving my wife the way God calls me and not loving her at all. God has made things really black and white for me. I had a decision: love my wife or don’t. No middle ground. He made it clear that one results in unity and the other results in disaster in an already disastrous situation. That stark contrast was exactly what I needed to kick my butt into gear and love my wife the way I needed to—the way I may have neglected since the birth of our second child. Now that I have completely puffed myself up, I think it’s a good time to recall that it was nothing I did, but all God’s grace. Everything I do is worthless unless it is Holy Spirit-driven (Philippians 3:8), and it’s a process of increasing, not perfection (2 Peter 3:18).
Without going into too much detail, I think Sarah would say she has had a similar choice with Godly submission. We have had to make a lot of decisions, and she has come alongside me with every single one. In addition to this, the situation has forced quality time with my wife (I say this ironically as we both tap away at our phones, but really, it has been a great time) that we haven't really had, maybe ever, in our marriage. It’s a time where we have had to be intentional about talking about our feelings and where we are at, a time where we haven’t had the luxury to sugar-coat or tell half-truths to keep peace. This has been so good for our marriage. This is the closest I have ever felt to my wife. I am excited to take these things God has taught us into our marriage "post-trial."
Those nasty intentions: I believe God has put three words on my mind for this year: imitation (how I need to be an imitator of Christ), intimacy (how my intimacy with Christ needs to be my number one priority), and intentions (how I need to make sure my heart is pure in all I do). I really want to park on intentions. More than ever, I have had to evaluate my motives—how and why I treat Sarah or those around us in a certain way. I believe trials show us what is in the heart, because when we are squeezed, what comes out is what was inside. Some of what has come out has been encouraging, but some I need to allow God to work on more. God cares about the heart, not the outside (1 Samuel 16:7). This situation has brought up what is actually in my heart, leading to either encouragement or conviction and repentance.
Reliance on Him: I won’t belabor this, as I’m sure you understand it directly. There is nothing like a trial to make you realize how little control we have. In our comfortable culture, we tend to forget the need for a Savior and a Lord. Times like these remind us that we need full reliance on Him. It’s the old saying, “There are no atheists in foxholes.”
Hope
The way God uses His Church: We have been absolutely blown away by the support from the church. People have been going above and beyond. Scripture says we should encourage one another and remember those who have blessed us (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13), so I want to give a special shout-out to my family: Eli, Alei, Trevor, and my mother. They have blessed us deeply with their servant hearts. I also want to show appreciation to everyone who has given, shown support, or just spent time in the hospital with us. We could never fully express our gratitude. God sees what you are doing (Hebrews 6:10). Side note on giving: Sarah and I started out feeling really guilty about how much people were giving (a real area where the enemy was attacking us). A word from my mom really helped: People love giving, and it gives them an opportunity to be generous and ultimately closer to Christ. Who am I to take that sanctifying opportunity away because of my pride? (2 Corinthians 9:6-7). The impact you guys have had on the staff here, although hard to quantify, can’t be underestimated. For the light of Christ to be brought into a place of heartbreak is an amazing witness.
Peace: If I could pass along one piece of wisdom God has given us, it comes from Philippians 1:21:
“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
Sarah and I have had an otherworldly peace that can only be attributed to the Spirit. We have peace knowing that God has already ordained the outcome and our perfect Father would not send us down a bad path. If that means our son is completely healed, praise God. If the outcome is our son goes to be fathered directly by our Heavenly Father instead of me, that is great news for our son—and praise God. I don’t take this lightly; it brings me to tears, but it’s the truth.
To live is Christ. While we are here, we need to be on mission, chasing after God with all we have because He is so worth it. But dying is not something Christians should look at as dark or sad. When we die, we get to be with our Father. I can’t wait for that day—but not yet. I have a mission, and I intend on doing that to the best of my ability until I hear those words, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21). I want to live my life as it says in Acts 20:24:
“But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.”
I want to end with one last word of encouragement for anyone going through a trial: it ties back to Romans 8:28. For those of you who believe and love Him, if it’s not good, then it’s not done. That’s a promise.
I haven’t decided who I am going to send this to yet, but if you don’t know the Father I am talking about, let me make it clear: Jesus loves you. He created you and wants a relationship with you. If you have any doubts about where you will spend eternity, please reach out to me or a pastor. There is no better life to live than the one Christ has planned for you.
To Him be all the glory.
